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Thursday 11 March 2010

Bum Rap

A Mexican judge has been sacked for ordering a young graffiti artist to take down his trousers, and attempting to spray-paint his buttocks. The correct penalty would have been a fine.

Thursday 11 March 2010

Attention: Drunks

Romania has erected traffic signs warning of drunks on the road. Petru Antal, the mayor of Pecica, ordered the signs, which say “Attention: Drunks”, beneath a picture of a man on his hands and knees, clutching a bottle. “We have to target the drivers because by the time the pedestrians get into this state they are beyond caring,” he said.

Thursday 11 March 2010

Bottled Spirits

Two glass phials containing the ghosts of an old man and a young girl have been sold for £935 in an online auction. The seller Avie Woodbury, said the spirits had been caught in her house in Christchurch, New Zealand, by an exorcist, and stored in holy water “which sort of puts them to sleep”. They were bought by a company that sells electronic cigarette substitutes, which is now inviting suggestions as to what to do with them.

Thursday 11 March 2010

A Close Shave

A woman driver who crashed her car as she shaved her bikini line has been arrested in Florida. Megan Barnes, 37, reportedly told police that she was on her way to see her boyfriend, and wanted to be “ready”. She faces up to a year in jail.

Thursday 04 March 2010

Double Take

A robber held up the same bank twice within 24 hours, a week after being released from jail where he did time for bank robbery. The 50-year-old man went into the savings bank in Hamburg and flashed a pistol, saying: “I was here yester-day, and I want the money again today!” He went off with g450 but was caught on CCTV cameras and arrested three hours later. 

Thursday 04 March 2010

Lucky Dip

An airline passenger who scooped £8,765 on a Ryanair scratch card was so angry when crew wouldn’t pay up immediately that he ate the card. Staff members tried to explain that they didn’t have the cash “kicking around the aircraft”, and that the win had to be verified, but he wasn’t appeased, and swallowed the card, thus invalidating his claim.

Thursday 04 March 2010

Prize Leak

A Surrey theme park has offered a prize of £500 to the visitor with the most pungent urine. Thorpe Park wants to use the smelliest possible wee as a “signature stench” in its live horror maze, Saw Alive, which will open this month, recreating scenes from the grisly Saw horror films. “We need the help of the public to create the most realistic and unsavoury urine odour,” said entertainments manager Laura Sinclair, who will select the winning entry.

Thursday 04 March 2010

Eggcitement

Chickens rescued from battery farms are being knitted tiny jumpers by a Somerset craft group. “The hens usually come out of farms quite bald and can be underweight,” said Miranda McPherson, the craft centre supervisor. “While they’re waiting for their feathers to grow back they can benefit from our knitted jumpers.” 

Thursday 25 February 2010

Adult Entertainment

Police in Russia have arrested a hacker who brought central Moscow to a standstill by beaming a porn film onto a giant billboard screen. The film was broadcast for 20 minutes on a 30ft by 20ft advertising screen on 14 January. The unnamed man, who said he wanted to “entertain” people, faces up to two years in jail.

Thursday 25 February 2010

Shocking

A respected medical journal has highlighted the case of a 53-year-old male who turned up at hospital with an electrical wire in his urethra. “The most common reason for self-insertion of a foreign body into the male urethra is of an erotic or sexual nature, especially masturbation or sexual gratification,” says the Journal of Medical Case Reports. It also notes that “masturbation in males is very frequent, with a rate close to 100%”.

Thursday 25 February 2010

It’s All About the Shoes

Police in South Korea have invited anyone who has lost their shoes to examine their display of 1,200 pairs recovered from a warehouse belonging to a shoe-shop owner. It seems the thief, a Mr Park, used to scan the death notices to take advantage of the custom of removing shoes at funerals. He would dress up as a mourner, scan the shoes for a valuable-looking pair, then swap them for his own.

Thursday 25 February 2010

Diamond

An Angolan businessman had mixed feelings when customs officials informed him that the £2.2m diamond he’d been caught illegally importing into Germany was a common crystal worth no more than £18. The discovery meant he’d committed no crime, but it also meant he’d paid an illicit dealer a fortune for a worthless trinket.

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